Shame is such a strong and powerful emotion. It’s the emotion that can drive addiction and at the same time, the one that can stop you from getting help. That was certainly the case for me. The world has come a long way in its attitude towards addiction. The line “hello, my name is X and I am an alcoholic” has almost become a cultural cliche. Whether thats helpful or not is something I will explore another time - but it shows how some addictions have become more socially acceptable to talk about. Yet others remain shrouded in silence. Take sex addiction for example. Sex is a part of every human story, literally none of us would be here without it. It’s often described as one of the most beautiful expressions of love between two people. But still… we don't talk about it. Many of us would happily discuss our relationship with the toilet before we’d ever admit to struggles around sex. When you stop and think about it, that’s absurd. As long as there are topics we can’t talk about, the...
In early recovery it is so hard to think of anything beyond the next 5 minutes. Staying sober becomes all consuming and it requires a huge amount of effort.
But once the early days have been conquered your brain will start to look forward. And in doing so it will realise that there are so many possibilities available now that you are living your life differently. Now that your life isn't consumed with thoughts of where the next fix may come from.
It really is not unusual for people to start dreaming once the urges begin to subside. But the dreams will be many and varied.
In this post I want to let you know about my dream. Because I need to hold a space where I can start to look forward. So much of my life right now is still consumed with the devastation of my addiction that it is very easy for me to fall into the trap of self pity. Easy for me to beat myself up with the hurt that I have created. I have never once tried to skirt responsibility for that. I know that even though my addiction is an illness, the actions that I undertook were my doing. It would be very easy for me to be consumed by those feelings of regret, guilt and shame, but I know doing that would let the addiction win, would keep me within its clutches.
Before entering recovery I had had a near 20 year career in education, but I had begun to fall out of love with the job. I began to resent a system that seemed to care less than me, a system that stacked the odds against our children and ultimately did little to prepare them for the world that lay before them. So it is no surprise, to me at least, that when I started to dream that I would begin to think in terms of education and service.
I firmly believe that I could have been saved from my rock bottom if I knew that there was another way to live my life. If I knew that help was available. If I knew that I was not going to be judged.
But in my world, no one was talking about addiction. I had some exposure to information around substance misuse, but in terms of addictive and compulsive behaviours there was a massive void. Not only did that leave me feeling like I had nowhere to turn, it also left me feeling that the problem was me. That I was broken. That I was beyond help. Where the fact of the matter was I was ill. I was savable. There was another way.
My time in recovery has also shown me that while 12 step programs are amazing their greatest strength, anonymity, is also their greatest weakness. Their anonymity gives people a safe place to recover, stops their methods and their organisation from being the subject of negative press, but it also stops the message from reaching the people who need it the most!
But we also need to remember that addiction is not just the problem of those who are addicted!
1 in 10 people would meet the clinical criteria for an addiction!
6 in 10 people are directly impacted by someone with an addiction, either through family or a close friendship.
That means that 70% of the population are living with the effects of addiction. Making it statistically highly likely that you work with someone, play sport with someone, hang out with someone whose life is impacted by addiction!
And the problem is getting worse. Last year saw a 7% increase in people being diagnosed with addiction based disorders in the UK!
As well as the human cost associated with addiction, addiction costs the UK economy in excess of £20 billion each year.
And the cost to UK businesses is north of £7billion each year.
These statistics make it plain to see that the problem of addiction is huge and growing and things need to be done to help combat it and bring a solution to those that are living like I was. Lost. Desperate for another way to live. But with no idea of how to even start.
This is where I started to dream!
My blog started off as a place for me to express my thoughts and feelings. In truth, I never intended to publicise it. It was going to be for me, an electronic journal if you will.
But if I want there to be a solution for others, where I felt that there wasn’t one for me I felt that it was my duty to start sharing. To start spreading some hope. To start showing people that there was another way to live.
I kept on dreaming. Because a blog would only work for those people who were actually searching for an answer. Yes I could, and I do, use social media to try and get more eyes on my writing, but the people who engage with my social media’s are going to be people who are looking for recovery and it would not hit the people who are desperately lost in the void created by addiction.
It is well known that so many people living in active addiction are actually able to continue living something that resembles a ‘normal and productive’ life. They hold down a job, they perform well. They have social lives and friends who are none the wiser. It is these people who I think are being missed currently by the efforts to support addiction.
Then a potential answer hit me. It was inspired by an episode of Simon Squibbs podcast, where different wannabe entrepreneurs pitch their dreams to him in exchange for advice and guidance. In this particular episode a woman was pitching her dream of getting Allergy Champions into every school and onto every airline. Her mission was a simple one - to stop needless deaths by making sure that there was greater education and greater training around allergy in the community and in the workplace.
It was so simple, so beautiful and it hit me hard. This methodology is what is needed in the world of addiction and recovery. I began to dream of a world where workplaces became a place where people could gain an understanding of all of the different types of addiction. Could gain an awareness of the havoc that addiction can cause. Could gain an empathy for those affected by addiction.
I began to dream that a workplace could become a safe place to talk about your struggles with addiction. Where you could be signposted to support. Where your recovery journey could be supported in a safe and non judgemental way.
I started thinking that this dream was too big. That it would not work. But why wouldn’t it? In the UK some great work has already happened around Mental Health and many work places have Mental Health First Aiders on staff. We know that addiction is never the addict's problem, it is their solution to unresolved mental health issues, so it isn’t a massive leap to see a world where this role could be expanded and deepened to cater for addiction as well.
Surely I could not be the only person who has had this dream? After some extensive research it seems that, in relation to the UK I may well be.
The US has started to make some traction with a project called Recovery Friendly Workplaces and there is certainly appetite for the scheme being developed and transported ‘across the pond’.
Perhaps this dream of mine could become a reality! It has certainly given me a sense of purpose which I intend to explore to the best of my ability!
I hope that my dream resonates with you. Because I know for certain that this dream becoming a reality will not be possible on my own!
If it does I would love to hear your support in the comments and I would appreciate you subscribing to this blog. It costs nothing, but it will mean that you are kept up to date with advancements relating to this project.
Please do it now!
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