There is Another Way

Shame is such a strong and powerful emotion. It’s the emotion that can drive addiction and at the same time, the one that can stop you from getting help. That was certainly the case for me. The world has come a long way in its attitude towards addiction. The line “hello, my name is X and I am an alcoholic” has almost become a cultural cliche. Whether thats helpful or not is something I will explore another time - but it shows how some addictions have become more socially acceptable to talk about. Yet others remain shrouded in silence. Take sex addiction for example. Sex is a part of every human story, literally none of us would be here without it. It’s often described as one of the most beautiful expressions of love between two people. But still… we don't talk about it. Many of us would happily discuss our relationship with the toilet before we’d ever admit to struggles around sex. When you stop and think about it, that’s absurd. As long as there are topics we can’t talk about, the...

This is a concept that I have struggled with, and I know that many other people in recovery do as well, especially in the beginning. I remember feeling that my early sobriety was so fragile, so unsteady that I needed to build a fortress around it to protect it. In practice that meant being quite self centred. Recovery was my number one priority for a time. Ahead of everything else. I felt that I needed to prioritise meetings, phone calls and reading over time with my family.  I do not regret that early behaviour, I knew that if I wanted to be the kind of person who could be the father my children deserved and if I wanted to be the husband that my wife deserved then I need to work on myself. I needed to make improvements. I needed to get sober. And that took some self centredness in the beginning. But quite soon after amassing some stable sobriety I soon realised that I had been given a gift. I really felt like I had been shown the secret code to life. I really felt that I had a res...

This is what addiction is! Addiction does not kill you with a fireball, it does not allow you to go through the pearly gates backwards at 100 miles per hour. Instead it is slow, painful and self inflicted. There are many who say that there is insanity in the illness called addiction. I can definitely see that there was insanity in my addiction. But it was not just that. There was also desperation, loneliness and pain. The insanity, in my case, came in the shape of repetitive self inflicted damage. I knew that the addictive behaviours that I was engaging in were hurting me. I knew they were hurting my family. I knew that they were putting everything I had lived for at risk. I knew that my addictive behaviours had a power equal to that of an atomic bomb in its ability to destroy my life. But did that knowledge stop me from engaging in them? NOPE! For me that is the complete, selfish definition of insanity. Each time I acted out, I added another metaphorical paper cut to what I later foun...

I first came across the title of this blog as a quote attributed to Albert Einstein and since undertaking my own recovery journey it has taken on a deeper, more rounded meaning. When attributed to Einstein it is often given as his ‘definition’ of insanity! And I think it describes the insanity of my addiction brilliantly. I can not help but think back to when I was in active addiction. I was looking outwards, blaming everything else for not being able to stop. I would often say to myself that I will stop, I will change, when I get that promotion, when a certain event in my life happens, when another person changes all will be right with the world. All the time blaming the rest of the world for my troubles and woes. Thinking the solution would come from outside myself. This thinking locked me in active addiction. It rendered me powerless. It kept me doing the same old things and expecting a different result. That mixed with the progressive nature of the illness that is addiction, meant ...

When I started writing this post I did not know what to call it. It may remain without a title, or I may get inspiration further on down the line, who knows. This blog post is also different because I am pretty confident that this post is a lot more about helping me. It does not feel like I am passing anything on particularly. But maybe reading it will give you a sense of identification. Maybe you will read something that confirms your own thoughts and feelings. Or maybe you will read something that challenges your current way of thinking in a way that helps you to move forward. Again who knows. Throughout my recovery journey I have been told that it does not matter why I am an addict. That knowing is irrelevant. That there is no point looking for someone to blame and in doing so it will only hinder my recovery. But that goes against everything that has been a pillar in my life. I would say I confidently subscribe to the notion of ‘Knowledge is Power’. That to move forward, in any dire...