For clarity - this is my first post where I attempt to describe my Higher Power, where I try to outline what it is, what it isnt, what it means to me and why it has become such an important pillar of my recovery journey. I hope, in reading it, you come to realise that there may be some validity in a higher power, that where we do not agree with the Higher Power models described by ‘mainstream’ religion, we have the freedom to create our own. ‘ Theres something in the way she moves’ is the first line from a song, with the same title, that I grew up listening to. While I was growing up I never gave the song much thought. Sure I liked the melody, I would be mesmerized by the guitar playing, and I would sing along. But I never gave much thought as to the meaning behind the song. Truth be told, I thought it was ‘just another’ love song. A man talking about his love for a woman. And maybe that is exactly what the writer of this song (James Taylor) intended it to mean. But one of the man...
I remember so vividly sitting in meetings, yes I follow a 12 Step program, listening to people share and talk about being 20 years sober and think ‘How am I ever going to get to that?’ and ‘That’s a lot of hard work’. I really was not sure that I was cut out to be sober. I was so used to living in the ADHD world of being excited by the new, of the quick win, and achieving things quickly, that I really did not have the life experience, the data, to give me any confidence that I would be able to stick it out. And to make matters worse after starting my journey I quickly relapsed. Leaving me feeling like I had proof that I was doomed to fail! But hindsight is an amazing teacher. I can see now that back then I was still trying to live my life thinking that it was all about the destination. Thinking that the 12 Steps were something that I had to complete, as quickly as possible. To prove to the world, to prove to me, that I was a good person and that I was sober. But living my life that way...